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I'm going to start with the take-home lesson of this post in hopes that you will consider it while you read.
"Give non-native speakers of English some leniancy in your country, ok?"
Last night at my intermediate English conversation group I got a little pissed. The Actress and I have been getting along fine, sometimes chummy even, but every once in a while she whips out this, "Ne, Sutefu, now you try! 1, 2, 3! Yay!" voice when she wants to teach me something in Japanese. I know my Japanese is a work in progress, but I'm not a child. The way she does it is very condescending and she usually does it with really easy things I already know and it's insulting.
If I give her the benefit of the doubt, I realize that it's difficult to know what a foreigner does and doesn't know and she probably wants to help me out and wants to play teacher at the same time and that's why she does it that way. It's nothing personal. And yet, when I ASK her a question, she thinks it over, gives me an answer like a normal person, and then repeats it five times. Why is there a difference? When I haven't asked her and she wants to teach me anyway, she crouches low, puts on a baby voice, and talks to me like a kindergartener who forgot to put on pants. Let's not forget how heinous this is considering I'm 12 inches taller than her. Why in god's name must you be crouching?
...But last night really took the cake. We were brainstorming a list of Japanese autumn foods to compare with our list of U.S. autumn foods and when they struggled I said, "What about nabe?" Almost everyone understood - except the Actress. I was a little shocked, considering it's difficult to not understand this; I used Japanese pronunciation after all and it's a Japanese word and we were talking about food.
"Nabe...nabe?" I repeated.
Then the Actress turned to the room and said in Japanese, "I can't understand, Steph's pronunciation is a little...different."
"Is something wrong with that?" I asked her in English.
"No, not really," said a few of the other students, genuinely perplexed by her overreaction.
At which point she started trying to get me to copy her and I realized it was a matter of intonation, which of course pissed me off even more because not only did I feel embarassed and disrespected, but it brought up the infuriating issue of pitch.
Japanese is a pitch-accent language. It's not a tonal language, but words can change meaning (not all words, just a sizeable chunk) depending on whether your voice goes up or down as you say it. This is horribly difficult for native speakers of English because 1) we don't have pitch-accents, and 2) we use a lot of different intonations and we use pitch change to ask questions and make emphasis, so it's very difficult for us to ask questions with pitch-accent words because we always naturally using the rising pitch. Mostly it's not a problem, context helps people figure out the meaning. For this reason, many language programs don't even correct pitch until advanced level. A lot of people learning Japanese don't even really know Japanese is a pitch-accent language. In fact, I have never been taught pitch, but I've tried to learn it considering how important it is to pronunciation. Using the wrong pitch in Japanese is maybe similar to saying, "coat" instead of "caught." Anyway, this leads to a lot of frustration on my part.
So here we are, back in the classroom, and The Actress is trying to get me to repeat after her, even though clearly everyone else thinks it's good enough and they get it. I don't even think there's a minimal pair that this sounded like. It's one thing to say, "I'm crossing the chopstick (hashi - same pitch)" when you mean to say, "I'm crossing the bridge (hashi - falling pitch)" but I don't think nabe with the same pitch even has another meaning. I tried to ask in the middle of the fray, but she just kept laughing. I almost thought I was accidentally saying something dirty. Now, as a result, I'm going to be self-conscious every time I talk about nabe, which is unfortunate, because I plan to buy a nabe pot and learn how to make it.
I think what strung me out most of all was the overwhelming feeling like I'll never be able to speak Japanese. I'll never know even half the words, I'll never be able to use the grammar correctly, I'll never understand the nuances of Japanese culture, I'll never be able to hear or use pitches, and most importantly I'll never be given the benefit of the doubt on any of this.
Frustrating.
I see why international students only hang out with other international students. It's overwhelming to do otherwise! On a positive note though, it makes me think about how I speak to my students and how careful I need to be in making corrections. It also reminds me of a time back home when my Conversational English tutee got really angry with me while we were doing pronunciation and my initial response was, "hey, this is my language, I think I know what I'm talking about." At the time I was bothered but now I realize it wasn't her problem or mine, it was the overwhelming frustration of language acquisition. I've always known that it's important not to overcorrect non-native speakers, but now I realize this more than ever. It can completely shatter a person's motivation. So please, be leniant on non-native speakers.
Still, this is all very natural and when I think of this happening to someone learning English I say, "So what? It's not your native language and you're still learning." It's clear to me that my perfectionism is starting to take hold again and I'm expecting unrealistic results. Though really, in my defense, it doesn't help when you're surrounded by nervous people who have no desire to work with you on this, such as the woman at the grocery store who puts up her foreigner block and "can't understand a word you're saying," even though the same Japanese has gotten you successfully through countless conversations in the last 24 hours, or the restaurant proprietor who'd rather not serve you than even ask if you can speak Japanese.
Still it's important for me to remember that my Japanese has gotten a lot better. It's at the point where I can understand sizeable conversations without any questions, I can read and write kanji characters without thinking, and I can even watch television and get all the main ideas. Sometimes someone will talk to me at school and I won't remember what language they'd used and sometimes a student will ask me a question in Japanese when we're supposed to be speaking English and I automatically respond as if they'd asked in English, forgetting I'm not supposed to be able to understand Japanese. These are great accomplishments!
I am starting to worry myself though, considering I've been hanging out with a lot of English speakers lately and I've realized there are some days when I don't speak more than a few words in Japanese. This isn't good, but I'm just so sick of Japanese that it's hard to get the motivation. For now, I'll try to talk more and I won't beat myself up if I don't, but if this lasts into February then it will be time for some serious action.
"Give non-native speakers of English some leniancy in your country, ok?"
Last night at my intermediate English conversation group I got a little pissed. The Actress and I have been getting along fine, sometimes chummy even, but every once in a while she whips out this, "Ne, Sutefu, now you try! 1, 2, 3! Yay!" voice when she wants to teach me something in Japanese. I know my Japanese is a work in progress, but I'm not a child. The way she does it is very condescending and she usually does it with really easy things I already know and it's insulting.
If I give her the benefit of the doubt, I realize that it's difficult to know what a foreigner does and doesn't know and she probably wants to help me out and wants to play teacher at the same time and that's why she does it that way. It's nothing personal. And yet, when I ASK her a question, she thinks it over, gives me an answer like a normal person, and then repeats it five times. Why is there a difference? When I haven't asked her and she wants to teach me anyway, she crouches low, puts on a baby voice, and talks to me like a kindergartener who forgot to put on pants. Let's not forget how heinous this is considering I'm 12 inches taller than her. Why in god's name must you be crouching?
...But last night really took the cake. We were brainstorming a list of Japanese autumn foods to compare with our list of U.S. autumn foods and when they struggled I said, "What about nabe?" Almost everyone understood - except the Actress. I was a little shocked, considering it's difficult to not understand this; I used Japanese pronunciation after all and it's a Japanese word and we were talking about food.
"Nabe...nabe?" I repeated.
Then the Actress turned to the room and said in Japanese, "I can't understand, Steph's pronunciation is a little...different."
"Is something wrong with that?" I asked her in English.
"No, not really," said a few of the other students, genuinely perplexed by her overreaction.
At which point she started trying to get me to copy her and I realized it was a matter of intonation, which of course pissed me off even more because not only did I feel embarassed and disrespected, but it brought up the infuriating issue of pitch.
Japanese is a pitch-accent language. It's not a tonal language, but words can change meaning (not all words, just a sizeable chunk) depending on whether your voice goes up or down as you say it. This is horribly difficult for native speakers of English because 1) we don't have pitch-accents, and 2) we use a lot of different intonations and we use pitch change to ask questions and make emphasis, so it's very difficult for us to ask questions with pitch-accent words because we always naturally using the rising pitch. Mostly it's not a problem, context helps people figure out the meaning. For this reason, many language programs don't even correct pitch until advanced level. A lot of people learning Japanese don't even really know Japanese is a pitch-accent language. In fact, I have never been taught pitch, but I've tried to learn it considering how important it is to pronunciation. Using the wrong pitch in Japanese is maybe similar to saying, "coat" instead of "caught." Anyway, this leads to a lot of frustration on my part.
So here we are, back in the classroom, and The Actress is trying to get me to repeat after her, even though clearly everyone else thinks it's good enough and they get it. I don't even think there's a minimal pair that this sounded like. It's one thing to say, "I'm crossing the chopstick (hashi - same pitch)" when you mean to say, "I'm crossing the bridge (hashi - falling pitch)" but I don't think nabe with the same pitch even has another meaning. I tried to ask in the middle of the fray, but she just kept laughing. I almost thought I was accidentally saying something dirty. Now, as a result, I'm going to be self-conscious every time I talk about nabe, which is unfortunate, because I plan to buy a nabe pot and learn how to make it.
I think what strung me out most of all was the overwhelming feeling like I'll never be able to speak Japanese. I'll never know even half the words, I'll never be able to use the grammar correctly, I'll never understand the nuances of Japanese culture, I'll never be able to hear or use pitches, and most importantly I'll never be given the benefit of the doubt on any of this.
Frustrating.
I see why international students only hang out with other international students. It's overwhelming to do otherwise! On a positive note though, it makes me think about how I speak to my students and how careful I need to be in making corrections. It also reminds me of a time back home when my Conversational English tutee got really angry with me while we were doing pronunciation and my initial response was, "hey, this is my language, I think I know what I'm talking about." At the time I was bothered but now I realize it wasn't her problem or mine, it was the overwhelming frustration of language acquisition. I've always known that it's important not to overcorrect non-native speakers, but now I realize this more than ever. It can completely shatter a person's motivation. So please, be leniant on non-native speakers.
Still, this is all very natural and when I think of this happening to someone learning English I say, "So what? It's not your native language and you're still learning." It's clear to me that my perfectionism is starting to take hold again and I'm expecting unrealistic results. Though really, in my defense, it doesn't help when you're surrounded by nervous people who have no desire to work with you on this, such as the woman at the grocery store who puts up her foreigner block and "can't understand a word you're saying," even though the same Japanese has gotten you successfully through countless conversations in the last 24 hours, or the restaurant proprietor who'd rather not serve you than even ask if you can speak Japanese.
Still it's important for me to remember that my Japanese has gotten a lot better. It's at the point where I can understand sizeable conversations without any questions, I can read and write kanji characters without thinking, and I can even watch television and get all the main ideas. Sometimes someone will talk to me at school and I won't remember what language they'd used and sometimes a student will ask me a question in Japanese when we're supposed to be speaking English and I automatically respond as if they'd asked in English, forgetting I'm not supposed to be able to understand Japanese. These are great accomplishments!
I am starting to worry myself though, considering I've been hanging out with a lot of English speakers lately and I've realized there are some days when I don't speak more than a few words in Japanese. This isn't good, but I'm just so sick of Japanese that it's hard to get the motivation. For now, I'll try to talk more and I won't beat myself up if I don't, but if this lasts into February then it will be time for some serious action.
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