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And we're going dooooooown.
I guess staying in the house all day was a bad idea. All I feel like doing is sleeping, watching American comedies, and stalking my American friends via Facebook. Japan hasn't changed, I still like it, and I'm still not miserable, but after having some time to sit on it I think I'm finally able to pinpoint what bothers me about all this.
1) I'm no longer impressed by Japan. I'm used to it, it's normal life now even if it's 15 hours from everything I've ever known. Also, everyone and their moms go abroad when they finish college. It *is* my major, but it is not entirely original.
2) I desperately want to build my life, but many of those things I can't do from here. I can learn new skills, but I can't continue almost anything I've already started.
3) Going home reminded me how wonderful some of the people I know are, and I find myself completely disinterested in trying to replace them, or even match them.
4) Finally, and worst of all, is seeing what I have in the U.S. and knowing I can't go back to it for 6 to 30 months. Which exacerbates all of the problems, as my re-contracting deadline is at the beginning of February. I was completely positive that I'd do two years, maybe three. But after going home I'm not so sure. I know I was just home and I haven't had a lot of time back here yet to get back in the swing of things, so now is not a good time to be making decisions. Maybe it's completely irrational and silly to be questioning my previous resolve. I know I can handle it, I could handle 10 more years if I had to...but I don't *have* to do anything. There's a lot more pressure when you have to figure out what you want on your own, especially when you don't have enough data to be making decisions.
Deep down I know the cure for homesickness and culture shock is to go out and live a little, but I don't really want to...well, I am going to a party tonight. Meh. I don't really feel like it, but probably the alcohol will be helpful.
I guess staying in the house all day was a bad idea. All I feel like doing is sleeping, watching American comedies, and stalking my American friends via Facebook. Japan hasn't changed, I still like it, and I'm still not miserable, but after having some time to sit on it I think I'm finally able to pinpoint what bothers me about all this.
1) I'm no longer impressed by Japan. I'm used to it, it's normal life now even if it's 15 hours from everything I've ever known. Also, everyone and their moms go abroad when they finish college. It *is* my major, but it is not entirely original.
2) I desperately want to build my life, but many of those things I can't do from here. I can learn new skills, but I can't continue almost anything I've already started.
3) Going home reminded me how wonderful some of the people I know are, and I find myself completely disinterested in trying to replace them, or even match them.
4) Finally, and worst of all, is seeing what I have in the U.S. and knowing I can't go back to it for 6 to 30 months. Which exacerbates all of the problems, as my re-contracting deadline is at the beginning of February. I was completely positive that I'd do two years, maybe three. But after going home I'm not so sure. I know I was just home and I haven't had a lot of time back here yet to get back in the swing of things, so now is not a good time to be making decisions. Maybe it's completely irrational and silly to be questioning my previous resolve. I know I can handle it, I could handle 10 more years if I had to...but I don't *have* to do anything. There's a lot more pressure when you have to figure out what you want on your own, especially when you don't have enough data to be making decisions.
Deep down I know the cure for homesickness and culture shock is to go out and live a little, but I don't really want to...well, I am going to a party tonight. Meh. I don't really feel like it, but probably the alcohol will be helpful.
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